Jimmy "Schitz" Jenkins (April, 1997)
OK, here's the problem. Your P1800 can't pass the mandatory annual state safety inspection because of copious evidence of at least two fluids flowing from the vicinity of its left rear brake drum. You drive the 1800 to work every day. Inspection is due in one week. It takes two weeks to get the parts to fix the leaks.
Oy vey! Ay carramba! Ach du lieber! Sacre bleu! Oh shit! Mad scramble. Call up all suppliers. Are parts still available? Yes, yes, yes! Now to concoct some stories for the cops if I'm stopped....
I wish I had a warehouse with one, just one, of every part for the 1800. Yeah, then I could use whatever, whenever, and call the suppliers after the work is done. Dream on.
Two fluids, not one! Problems always happen in pairs. They fool you. You have symptoms, you fix problem, you still have symptoms! Then find the other problem. This time it's grease AND brake fluid. I tell the inspector the truth -- I DID fix the wheel bearing grease seal (don't mention brake fluid -- will flunk inspection for sure). He sticks his finger in it and smells. Yup, smells like grease, but won't pass inspection with grease everywhere. Rats!
Call up suppliers. Need shims to set rear wheel bearing clearance. Bearing boiled in oil when dumbass set clearance too small. Grease turned to oil dribbled out escape hatch in brake backplate. Ha, ha, great story, have shims at top dollar.
Call up more suppliers. Had it with wheel cylinder rebuild kits. Last one lasted two years. Getting too old to fix brakes every two years, will just get whole damn cylinder. Oh, man, you mean to tell me it only costs twice as much as a rebuild kit? Buy two.
Now sit back and wait for two weeks, hope the cops are too busy looking at the swoopy lines to notice the out-of-date sticker. Wish me luck.